


Samskeyti

by orphan_account



Category: Lost
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Child Abuse, DHARMA Initiative, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Father/Son Incest, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Ben, Loss of Parent(s), Mental Health Issues, Parent Death, Parent/Child Incest, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Roger is a piece of shit, Self-Discovery, Self-Hatred, Time Travel, Underage Rape/Non-con, Verbal Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21817324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There was a reason Sawyer decided to help Kate save Benjamin Linus in 1975. It just wasn’t always clear to the others.
Relationships: Benjamin Linus & Everyone, Benjamin Linus & Roger Linus, James "Sawyer" Ford & Benjamin Linus, Juliet Burke/James "Sawyer" Ford
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	Samskeyti

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this book is from a beautiful Sigur Rós song under the same name. It’s an Icelandic word that means ‘joint, or the place where things are stuck together.’ I thought it was fitting for the theme of this story. Enjoy!

It didn’t take long to realize how absolutely _weird_ the DHARMA Initiative was.

For starters, no person could leave the premise alone. Everyone had to travel in pairs unless they were head of their work group. They also weren’t allowed to keep diaries, which was weird. Every month they had a clean-out of the houses to make sure nothing fishy was going on - storing guns, drug use (how?), kidnappings, etc. - and even went so far as to ban pets. 

Nothing was weirder for Sawyer, however, than seeing Benjamin Linus as a _kid_.

He wasn’t how Sawyer had imagined him to be at all. Maybe it had been a comfort strategy, but he’d always imagined Ben to be fat in his youth - a nerd with no friends, isolated, probably a psychopath. The nerd part wasn’t false, but everything else was just so.... _off_.

Ben was scrawny. Round glasses covered half of his face and his hair was a mess, no matter what day it was. He walked awkwardly, anxiously, like he was always avoiding something. The most shocking thing was Ben’s personality. He was shy, reserved, even _kind_. Jesus Christ, it threw Sawyer off so much he wasn’t even sure he could refer to Ben as _the_ Benjamin Linus. There seemed to be no similarities.

Meeting Roger Linus was even worse. The guy had some serious problems — mostly with alcohol and a lack of self-control — and that made Sawyer uncomfortable. _No wonder that kid grows up to be a fucking psycho._

Sawyer learned to stay away from the Linus family. Roger was always paranoid when it came to Ben, believing anyone that spoke to him had some twisted agenda they wanted to push. Something they wanted to use against Roger. 

Juliet was another factor. Every time she saw Kiddo Ben, whom Sawyer had begun referring to as “Bendo”, she got this far-away look in her eyes, like she was reliving horrors he couldn’t ever see. She made him promise not to speak to him, not to affiliate with the Linus family, because Juliet wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Sawyer thought he’d been handling that pretty well. They’d been in DHARMA three years and nothing drastic had happened other than Sawyer moving up the ranks in Security. He and Juliet became a couple, which Miles had been betting on for months, and Ben was forgotten, shoved to the back of all of their minds.

That is, until _that_ night.

A blanket of darkness had fallen upon DHARMA Initiative. Sawyer was standing outside his barrack, cigarette perched in his lips. A thread of smoke trailed out of the tip, embers glowing with each deep breath he took.

A slam in the distance jerked Sawyer out of his thoughts. His brows furrowed and he turned his head toward the sound, wondering what was going on. The thickness of night made it hard to see, but two shapes — one large, one small — swayed through the shadows. 

When they fell under a light, Sawyer’s chest lurched to see Bendo splayed on the ground, scrambling away on his feet. Roger stood over him, snarling something unintelligible. Sawyer felt concern, which really pissed him off, because why should he feel bad for _Ben_? But maybe there was some far-away, fucked up similarity between both he and Ben. 

He decided to eavesdrop, because 1) Sawyer couldn’t help being worried, and 2) learning a bit about Ben’s history couldn’t hurt. He moved forward, making sure to stay hidden, curling in his fingers as he listened intently.

“Dad,” Bendo whined, and up close, Sawyer could recognize the sheen of terror in the kid’s eyes. It hurt, because Sawyer knew what that felt like. But why was Ben so scared? _Maybe because his dad is fucking insane._

“What?” Roger snapped, and Sawyer could see the beer bottle clutched tightly in his hand.

“Please,” he cried. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s your fuckin’ fault!” Roger snarled, raising his arm and chucking the beer bottle in Ben’s direction. He quickly ducked. “It’s your fault your mom’s dead! You know that? Huh?”

Ben was shaking, cheeks wet with tears. “I know,” he moaned brokenly. 

_Jesus Christ,_ Sawyer thought. _Does he really think it’s Ben fault his mother is dead?_ Something inside wanted him to intervene, because he’d always hated when his own father had been abusive in public and no one had glanced twice, but then Sawyer thought about Juliet and Roger’s paranoia and decided against it. It wouldn’t end well, and Roger would end up being more violent in private. _How did she die, anyway?_ He shook his head. Sawyer could figure that out later.

Roger stumbled back, expression a mix of heartbroken and angry. “Well? Get up.”

Ben hesitated, staring at his father, but eventually managed to stand to his feet. His shoulders were slumped, body folded in on itself. “What-”

Roger leaned forward and backhanded Ben across the face.

Sawyer froze, reeling with shock. Something bubbled on the surface of his mind, memories brewing, and all he could think about was his father. Slap after slap after slap, but eventually they turned to punches, then came the broken bones. It was a vicious cycle Sawyer knew all too well, and seeing Ben like this _hurt_.

“Don’t scream, boy,” Roger growled. “Come on.” But instead of returning to his house, Roger was leading the way toward one of the 1961s.

“Where-” Ben clamped his mouth shut, clearly considering on whether or not he should speak. Roger turned, annoyed. “Why are we getting in the van?”

“Want me to hit you again?” Roger snapped. “Don’t ask. Just get in.”

Ben eventually nodded and clambered into the passenger side of the blue van, and through the foggy windows, Sawyer could see the red mark blossoming across Ben’s cheek. Roger peeled the van away and Sawyer ducked, making sure not to be seen. When the Linuses were out of sight, he jumped to his feet, intent on following. If Roger had been confident enough to hit his kid in the middle of the barracks, who knew what he’d do in the jungle?

“James?”

He immediately turned around, leaving the burnt-out cigarette on the ground. “Hey, hon,” he said, forcing a smile.

Juliet looked at him. “What are you doing?”

“Dropped my cigarette,” he shrugged. “Why? Miss me?”

She smiled softly, and it was that look Sawyer absolutely loved. “Yeah. Come to bed?”

He looked toward where Roger had left with the van. Ben would be fine. What could Sawyer do, anyway?

“Of course.”

The next day, Sawyer looked for Ben but didn’t manage to locate the kid. Roger was back to work, mopping floors and cleaning windows, and he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened last night, after Sawyer had gone back into his house. Had something happened? Maybe he should’ve told Juliet the truth and followed Roger.

It was too late now, though. Ben was MIA and he was growing more worried. 

“You okay?” Juliet asked him the next night, closing the stove. She faced him, blue eyes shining with concern.

“Hmm?” he asked, distracted. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

She pursed her lips, clearly doubting his words. “All right.”

Another two days passed until Sawyer _finally_ saw Bendo. The kid was walking back from school, gaze cast to the ground, moving quickly and quietly. Across the barracks, Sawyer spotted Roger standing on the porch, angrily holding a piece of paper.

Ben spotted his father, too, and froze. Terror reflected in his gaze and Sawyer’s heart pushed uncomfortably against his chest, mouth drying. “Ben!” he called, moving toward the kid. 

Roger immediately noticed, head snapping to Sawyer. Ben slowly turned, looking between both men. James stopped in front of the kid, turning to his father.

“What’s this?” Roger growled as he stomped into the scene, regarding Sawyer with a cautious look.

 _Yeah, fuckface, I know who you are._ Clearing his throat, Sawyer put on his best con-man smile. “We’re giving some of the kiddos tours around the The Flame. Wanted to see if Ben was interested in joining.”

Roger glared at Sawyer and clamped his hand on the kid’s shoulder. Ben jerked, eyes wide, clearly confused. “He’s good.” He began to turn away.

But Sawyer wasn’t done. “I think it would be a good idea.” 

Roger froze, eyes narrowing. He looked at Sawyer, curling his lip. “I said no.”

“Well.” He shrugged, leaning back slightly, arms crossing. “It would be bad for business if anyone found out about you.”

The color drained from Roger’s face. 

“Dad? What’s going on?” Ben asked meekly.

“Go away,” Roger said distractedly.

“He can stay,” Sawyer assured.

“I said _go away_ —”

“He stays.” Sawyer looked down on Roger, voice stern. Ben stilled in his place. “We can talk here.”

Roger shook his head slowly. “What are you gonna do with him?”

Sawyer pointed to the cut hidden on Ben’s forehead behind brown hair. “Fix that, for starters.”

Ben looked away, embarrassed.

Roger still wasn’t convinced, though. “And?”

“And I’m going to have a talk with him. He’ll be back to you in an hour.”

Roger clearly weighed his options, glancing between Ben and Sawyer. “Fine,” he eventually snapped. “But no more than one hour or I’m going to Horace.”

“Fine by me.” Sawyer placed a hand on Ben’s back, ignoring the flinch, and guided him back to his house. Roger watched on until they walked through the door.

Ben stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room. “Where...do I go?”

“Just sit down there.” Sawyer pointed toward a chair in the kitchen, raiding the cupboards for a first aid kit. He pulled one out and clicked the latch open, digging around for alcohol, cotton pads, and a bandaid. He turned and seated himself next to Ben, pushing back his hair.

Ben shivered under his touch.

Sawyer wet the cotton pad with alcohol and gently swept it against Ben’s forehead. The kid winced from the pain, teeth gritting together. Thinking of ways to distract him, Sawyer decided on, “So, what happened the other night?”

Maybe not the best distraction after all.

Bendo’s head jerked upward. “Wh-what do you mean?” His voice was filled with fear. “Nothing happened.”

“I saw your Daddy hit you,” Sawyer said, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. 

Ben didn’t say anything.

Sawyer paused, trying to think of how to word this. “You know, when I was young, my dad hit me, too. I always wished someone had intervened and helped, but I kept it a secret. Only my mama knew.”

“Well.” Ben closed his eyes painfully. “My mom’s dead.”

“I know.” He paused. “I heard your dad say it was your fault she’s dead.”

Bendo screwed his eyes shut even tighter. “How is it my fault?” he whispered, voice raw and guttural. “I can’t help when I was born. I can’t help that they couldn’t get to a hospital in time.”

 _So that’s what it was._ Baby Ben had come early and his mom had died, so now Roger blamed Bendo for his mama’s death. Shit. That was something Sawyer wasn’t entirely sure he could help with. His father had only beat him because he wanted to, not out of spite or revenge. 

“It’s not,” Sawyer settled on, finishing cleaning the wound. He leaned back and thumbed a bandaid on the kid’s forehead. “I can’t fix your dad, but I can help you. Say the word and I’ll tell Horace, and your dad can be shipped away from this island forever.”

Ben shook his head quickly. “No,” he said, voice bordering on panicked. “I can’t leave him. I can’t. He’ll hurt me.” Tears welled in the kid’s eyes.

Sawyer’s heart hurt. “He won’t. He’ll be gone, for good.”

“No. You don’t understand.” Ben shakily wiped tears away from his cheeks. “Nothing can stop him. He’ll come back. He’ll find a way.”

“Okay. Okay.” Sawyer placed his hands out in retreat. “I won’t tell anyone, okay? But...just know I’m here. You can talk to me.”

Ben lost some of the tension in his shoulders, but still appeared cautious.

Before Sawyer could speak again, the front door opened. His head snapped in that direction, _Is it Roger?_ , but found himself staring back at Juliet. She looked between he and Ben, turned, and closed the door.

“Shit,” Sawyer cursed. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” Without waiting for an answer, he practically bolted out the door, following Juliet a few steps into the yard. “Juliet!”

She clenched her jaw. “I thought we talked about Ben, James.”

“I know,” he stressed, running a hand through his hair. “But hear me out, okay? You don’t understand what I saw—”

“No,” she snarled, clearly hurt. “ _You_ don’t understand. Ben put me through so many horrible things when I came to this damn island, and all I want is to forget it and put it behind me. But I can’t when I walk into my house and see him sitting in my kitchen with you talking to him!”

Sawyer was immediately filled with guilt. “I know,” he repeated, softer this time. “I know. I’m sorry. You know I would never do this on purpose. Please. Let me explain.”

Juliet shook her head. “I don’t want to hear.” She began to walk away.

“Wait!” he said, voice straining. She stopped. “Please. Just come inside and I’ll explain everything.”

She didn’t respond for a moment. “I just....I need a while, James.”

He closed his eyes and reopened them. “Don’t leave like this.”

“I’m not leaving.” She met his gaze. “I’ll be back tonight, but right now I need some time to myself.”

Sawyer puffed out a stressed breath. “Okay. Okay, that’s fair. I’ll see you tonight.” When she began to walk away, Sawyer turned on his heel and made his way back into the house. “Sorry,” he said, closing the door, looking toward the kitchen.

Ben wasn’t there.

“Shit!” he said, rushing over to the curtains and peeking through the side. Ben was crouched near the rear of Roger’s house and eventually opened the back door, sneaking inside. _Jesus._ He shook his head, eyes closing. This situation was absolutely fucked.

When day turned to night and the moon was a bright ball in the sky, Juliet returned home. Sawyer was sitting in one of the chairs in the living room and perked up from her presence. “J,” he breathed, standing up.

She rushed forward into his arms and buried her face into his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered shakily, arms finding their way around his back. “I didn’t mean to be- to be dismissive. Please know that.”

“I do. I do,” Sawyer said, embracing her tightly. It hurt, but he pulled himself away from her. “We should talk.”

Juliet nodded and sat down on the couch beside him, frowning. “Okay. I just want to say it again, but I’m sorry. I guess- I guess it felt like you were betraying me, in a way, for talking to him. But I know Ben is different here. He’s not the same person he is in 2004. I just needed some alone time to think.”

Sawyer nodded. That made sense. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, sugar.” He closed his eyes and reopened them, hesitating. “I saw some things the other night. When I said I dropped my cigarette- I was lying.”

Juliet blinked, silent.

“I saw Roger and Ben come out of the house, and-” His voice died somewhere in the small of his throat, and Sawyer suddenly found it very hard to breathe. “And Roger _slapped_ him. Slapped that kid, Julie. But even after that, he made Ben come with him in one of the vans and left. I was ducking down so they didn’t see me. I didn’t know what to do, and I knew you’d be upset if I asked to follow them, so I just...” His shoulders deflated. “I lied.”

She looked very pained, chest heaving. “I had no idea,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten upset in the first place.”

Sawyer shook his head and held her hand tightly. “No. It isn’t your fault. You have every right to be angry at that man, but- but that kid is not the Benjamin Linus we know. He’s innocent. He’s abused. We have to help him.”

She nodded. “I know. I know, I understand that now. We should tell Horace. Miles. _Someone_.”

“I asked Ben if I could, but he said no. I can’t go behind his back like that.” Sawyer leaned back, inhaling. “I can’t do that to him.”

Juliet watched him, brows furrowing slightly. She looked down, looked back at him, hesitated. “Do you think Ben is the only reason you’re so stressed right now?” she asked carefully.

Sawyer didn’t meet her gaze. He shook his head and chuckled half-heartedly. “Whatd’ya mean?”

“Well...” She sighed. “Look. I know your history. I know what happened with your parents.”

He froze.

“But I don’t know everything.” Juliet frowned. “And I would understand if you feel like you have to protect him because something similar happened to you. That would be okay. You can talk to me.”

Talk to her? Sawyer wasn’t sure how long it’d been since he told someone about his parents. But didn’t Juliet already know? _Still, she’s right. She can’t know everything._

“There isn’t much to say,” he finally began, unable to look at her. “My daddy beat me growing up and my mom did nothin’ to stop it. It was a way of life.” Pain gripped his heart. “He’d do it in public sometimes and no one would even look twice. No one helped me. I was alone.”

Juliet squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered painfully.

Sawyer’s frown deepened. “There was this time my dad got angry and locked me in a closet. My mom couldn’t find me and I was too terrified to yell. She called the cops, and when they found me, my parents went to court. When they found out my dad did it...”

“He went to prison,” she said softly. 

“Not for long.” Sawyer laughed bitterly. “He always came back ‘round, and did Mom care? No. Not at all. That’s when the deal went sideways. After he got conned, he...he was bangin’ on the door one night. Mom hid me under the bed and tried to talk to him, but he was too angry. He shot her, walked into my room, sat on my bed, and shot himself.”

He felt something on his cheeks, and when he brushed his fingertips along his skin, Sawyer realized he was crying.

“No child should ever have to go through that,” Juliet said. Sawyer forced himself to look at her and was shocked to see the tears reflecting in her beautiful blues. “And I’m so sorry you did. It’s horrible. So....so I understand you wanting to help Ben. No matter what he does in the future, he doesn’t deserve for that to happen to him.”

Sawyer laughed and leaned back. “I guess me and him are more alike than I thought.” He remembered the time he’d punched Ben, all of the bruises and cuts on his face from Jack, Sayid, Desmond...it made him laugh harder. “Is there a word for that? Us being so alike? A...a connection?”

Juliet hummed. “My grandmother came from Iceland. She used to tell me stories, and there was this one word I always remembered — _samskeyti_.”

He glanced at her. “What does it mean?”

She smiled. “In technical terms, a joint. A place where things are stuck together, like a screw holding a picture in place. But...I suppose the word could be applied to us now, hm?”

Samskeyti.... it certainly could, couldn’t it?

The week passed with little to no Ben sightings. Juliet was keeping an eye out, but all she knew was that he was going to school and returning back home in a matter of minutes. He didn’t leave after that. 

Things got infinitely worse when Kate, Jack, Hurley, and Sayid returned. Ben was momentarily forgotten so Sawyer could deal with their _problem_ , but things finally started to calm down after a few days.

Security was tighter now after Sayid broke the Others’ truce, so Sawyer found himself driving around the jungle much more regularly now. He had another cigarette perched between his lips, propping his hand on the open windowsill as he drove through the night. 

A light somewhere in the distance caught Sawyer’s attention. That was odd — no one else was allowed to break curfew, especially during this time of night. Narrowing his eyes, Sawyer turned the van off and skunk into the undergrowth, making his way toward the light. It eventually turned off and blanketed the ground in darkness, but he could still see two shapes in the shadows.

Jesus Christ., it was Ben and Roger again. Sawyer had to force himself not to attack Roger, because he was sure there was another cycle of worse abuse going on out here, where no one except Sawyer was allowed to be.

“No!” Ben spluttered from the darkness.

Roger fell on top of him. “Shut up, boy,” he growled, immobilizing Ben. “Don’t you wanna make up for killin’ your mom? Huh?”

There was silence, then a quiet and broken, “Yes.”

“Then shut up and stop moving.” Roger clamped a hand over Ben’s mouth and turned him over, pushing his face into the ground. He bucked his hips forward desperately. Ben grunted, pained, and his arms flailed uselessly, completely pinned under his father’s weight. Sawyer realized that Ben had no underwear on.

He swore he saw red. First came the rage, then the horror, then the disgust.

Roger was fucking raping his own _son_.

“Hey!” Sawyer spat, jumping out from the brush.

Roger jerked up, dislodging himself from Ben. His eyes were wide and unfocused. Sawyer saw the beer bottles scattered to the side of the clearing. “Wh’s th’re?” he slurred, quickly pulling his pants up.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Sawyer snarled. He stomped forward and reared his arm, flinging his hand out to Roger’s face. The drunk man staggered back and cried out painfully, cupping his hands to his face. Sawyer swung again and Roger toppled to the ground, blood pooling everywhere.

“You broke my nose!” Roger wailed.

“You raped your kid!” Sawyer roared, kicking him right below the ribs. He got on his knee and splayed his fist across Roger’s disgustingly vile face. He wanted to throw up.

When Roger stopped speaking, Sawyer figured enough was enough and turned around. “Ben, come on, let’s get outta here—”

Except Ben was fucking gone.

“Shit!” he cursed, reaching for his walkie.

“LaFleur! LaFleur!” a panicked voice gargled on the other side. It was Jin.

“What? Jin, what?” Sawyer answered, brows furrowed.

“Sayid— he’s gone, there was a van on fire and he escaped— Sawyer, we need you, come on! Where are you?!”

Another voice cut into the walkie. Miles. “LaFleur, where the hell are you? Radzinsky’s freaking out! He thinks you set Sayid free!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” he snapped into both lines. Sawyer left Roger on the ground, running to his van and hopping inside. He stepped on the gas, wondering why the hell all of this had to happen _now_. His concern for Ben and the kid’s whereabouts were still imminent, but Sawyer had people he needed to help.

He made it past the barrier, back to the barracks, and helped clean up the mess. Not an hour later and he’d receive another panicked call from Jin. 

Sayid had shot Ben and left him to die.

Jesus fucking Christ.

“Jin,” Sawyer said, voice low and threatening. “If you see Roger Linus, shoot him.”

There was a pause. “I- shoot him? I don’t think I’m authorized to do that, he’s not posing any current threat-”

“Jin.” He breathed in. “Kill. Him.”

It must’ve been the seriousness in his voice, but Jin accepted and cut the line. When he returned in the early morning, when streaks of light were just beginning to sprawl over the horizon, Jin delivered a bleeding Ben to the infirmary and turned to Sawyer.

“He’s dead.”

Sawyer blinked. “You sure?”

“Yes.” Jin nodded gravely. “I hope you have a good reason for his death.”

“I do.”

It took hours until Juliet stepped out, face shining with sweat. “I can’t-” She shook her head. “James. I can’t do anything.”

Sawyer realized how much he hated Sayid. First, Ben had been raped, then he’d disappeared, then he’d been shot by Sayid? The kid couldn’t seem to catch a goddamn break.

“The Others,” Kate said. “We can take him there. He’s one of them — won’t they know what to do?”

Fuck. “The _Others_?” he said in a disbelieving tone. “We’ll be shot on sight. And he’s not one of them yet.”

“We can change things,” Kate replied carefully. “We know people here can die, no matter what the future is like. If Ben dies, then everything changes.”

Sawyer looked between Kate and Juliet. “Shit,” he said. “Fine. Let’s go, but no one can see.”

Kate quickly rushed to help Ben into the van, and before Sawyer could follow suit, Juliet tightly gripped his arm. “James,” she whispered. Her voice sounded far-away. “He told me. He told me what happened.”

Sawyer froze. He turned to her, pained. “Jin killed him. Roger. He’s gone for good.”

Juliet nodded, but there was a dent in her brows that reflected clear concern. “If this works, then...then we need to make sure he can’t remember this. _Any_ of it.”

His mouth went dry. “H-how?” he stuttered.

She frowned. “I don’t know, James. But he can’t ever know what happened. Can’t ever know what his father did. Please, James, just try.”

Sawyer breathed in and nodded, pulling her into a hug. “Okay. I will.”

They set off into the jungle, trees growing taller and more dense as they traveled further inside. When they made it to the border of the Others’ territory, they were quickly brought to Richard, Ben limp in Sawyer’s arms.

“Please. Take him,” he begged.

Richard regarded him carefully, eyes flicking from Kate, to Sawyer, to Ben. “If we do this, he’ll never be the same. He’ll be one of us forever.”

“Okay,” Sawyer said. “That’s okay.” He gently pushed Ben into Richard’s arms. “If— if you can—” His voice died. “He can’t remember what happened to him. Can’t remember us. If he does...” Sawyer shook his head. 

Richard blinked slowly. “Fine,” he said. “We’ll make sure he doesn’t remember the specifics. Now go back to your camp. We have it handled from here.”

Sawyer looked at Bendo and felt like he might just cry. Whether or not this was just Ben or the infamous Benjamin Linus, Sawyer knew he didn’t deserve what had happened to him. All he hoped was that he’d forget, would never remember his past, so he wouldn’t have to live with the pain that came.

And through Ben, Sawyer saw a fraction of himself, a wounded and abused child who didn’t know what to do. But Sawyer wasn’t a child anymore. He was a changed man, a stronger man. And he knew that, some day, Ben would be, too.

He turned to look at Kate and then cast his gaze toward the treeline, where the barrier and the barracks laid. Sawyer had a feeling that the worst wasn’t yet over, but found comfort in being able to help Ben. And, maybe, help himself in the process.

“Okay,” Sawyer said softly, closing his eyes. “Let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was painful....vvv sorry
> 
> OK but i am planning a ben post-s6 fic sooooo??? angst?? yessir. this will def all be brought back so when that comes out, go read it!! 
> 
> thanks everyone <3


End file.
